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 I have no talents...

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JulianWong

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PostSubject: I have no talents...   Tue Oct 09, 2007 6:02 pm

i have no talents. so i'll just share a joke.

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous.

The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be confident that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved in some capacity. The parents were at their wit's end as to what to do about their sons' behavior.

The parents had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so they contacted him, and he agreed to give it his best shot. He asked to see the boys individually, so the eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"
At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?"

The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!"

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cheam

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Tue Oct 09, 2007 8:20 pm

walau...
zha dao gou gou...
geng
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cheam

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Tue Oct 09, 2007 8:22 pm

then i oso put in lar


有三个儿子,大儿子是流氓,二儿子是地痞,三儿子是黑社会老大。   过年了三个儿子都回到家里一家团聚,母亲做好了饭叫大儿子上楼叫父亲下来吃饭,大儿子到父亲房间门口说道:“喂,下来吃饭”。 父亲那个气啊,就没下去,过一会儿不见父亲下来妈妈又让二儿子去 叫,二儿子上去喊道:“TMD,叫你下来吃饭没听见啊”,父亲听 了后查点没气晕,过了10分钟还不下来知道两个儿子没说好的妈妈又 让三儿子去叫父亲,三儿子上去后说道:“父亲,请下来用膳吧”, 激动的父亲哭着出来要抱三儿子,没想到到跟前三儿子一下扇了父亲 一个嘴巴,说道:   “TMD,都多大了?还得哄你才出来!”�
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tetsu

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Tue Oct 09, 2007 9:37 pm

lol i've seen alot of similar things like those u posted from email...

this is one of them:
If you have three apples and two oranges in your left hand and two apples and two oranges in your right hand, what do you get?

<<<<<You have really large hands!!!>>>>>
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<-Kai Boon->
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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Tue Oct 09, 2007 9:41 pm

deng like dis oso can?

One day, an Ang Moh from USAarrived at KLIAAirport.
After he checked out from the customs,
he felt he needed to go to the toilet, so he looked for one.

When he found the toilet, there was a lady sitting at the entrance.
When he was about to enter the toilet,
the lady stopped him and asked for forty cents in Cantonese ('sey kok').
The Mat Salleh wondered why in MALAYSIA
they have to 'see the cock' before entering the toilet?
So he said 'no' but the lady insisted.
Since he had no choice, he took out his cock and showed it to her.

The lady said 'No! No! Duit, Duit!' (money in Malay),
but the Ang Moh misunderstood again and thought that she said 'Do it! Do it!'
So he asked, 'Now? Here?'
The lady replied 'Yes, yes!' because she doesn't quite understand
English.

The Ang Moh thought that she wanted to have sex with him,
so he stripped the lady and made love to her.
The lady started screaming and shouted, 'SAKIT! SAKIT!' (pain in Malay),
and the Ang Moh thought it was 'SUCK IT! SUCK IT!'

He said 'OK! I will suck it for you' and took both breasts and suck
them.
The lady again screamed 'Oh, TUHAN!' (Oh, MY GOD....in Malay).
The Ang Moh misunderstood again. 'Too HARD?
OK, sweetheart, I'll be gentler a bit,' the Ang Moh replied.

Suddenly, a security guard walked by, so the lady shouted for help,
'TOLONG! TOLONG, ENCIK!'
The Ang Moh replied, 'Not too long, just 6 inches only.'

lol, lame, found on website. XD
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khaixian

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Tue Oct 09, 2007 9:45 pm

kaiboon,yours is so horny!
heh ;) i dont have any jokes.
not good in these stuffs.
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<-Kai Boon->
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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Tue Oct 09, 2007 9:50 pm

yea i noe, reli swt when i first saw it, but i tot cheam would like it. XD
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tetsu

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Tue Oct 09, 2007 9:52 pm

hey my primary skool fren told me that joke also...
but mine more 'kua jiong'...he said the ang moh's wan is 5cm...
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hitsugaya10

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Tue Oct 09, 2007 10:19 pm

this i think quite funny......
but dno wat u all think...............

在國文課的時候...
同學!!:有句話道:「人生自古誰無死?你接下句!」可憐那位甲同學平常不用功怎麼可能知道?卻也只見他從容不迫的回道:「人生自古誰無屎,有誰大便不用紙?」下學期後便再沒有甲同學的蹤跡了但是就在隔年~~這對學生跟老師又碰面了上課的時候~老師又問到同樣的問題!
同學!有句話道:「人生自古誰無死?你接下句!」請你接著回答..這回學生學聰明了~他緩緩的說道:人生自古誰無屎,谁能大便不用紙。若能不用衛生紙,除非你是用手指。老師聽完之後~非常火大!但是又不能表現出來~只有冷冷的叫這名學生罰站接著老師看見窗外正在落下的大雪感慨地說:上天下雪不下雨,雪到地上變成雨。變成雨時多麻煩,為何當初不下雨。老師話還未完,罰站的這位學生又感慨地回覆老師:老師吃飯不吃屎,飯到肚時變成屎。變成屎時多麻煩,為何當初不吃屎。老師:....#@$%


:affraid: :face:
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cheam

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Tue Oct 09, 2007 11:35 pm

<-Kai Boon-> wrote:
yea i noe, reli swt when i first saw it, but i tot cheam would like it. XD

tis joke i saw long time ago lor, u out redi lor
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cheam

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Tue Oct 09, 2007 11:41 pm

american, chinese and japanese are caught by maneater tribe, but that day, their 'dai lou' mood very good so he say:' if the total length of all your penis is 20 cm, then i let u go.' so they started to measure.

the result is (in cm):
american-10
chinese-7
japanese-3

so they pass. after that, the american suddenly say:' if my penis is not 10 cm we are all dead.'

the chinese says:' so wat, if my penis is not 7 cm we r all dead,'

finally, the japanese says:' if i din steam, we r all dead.'
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tetsu

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Tue Oct 09, 2007 11:42 pm

Quote :

i have no talents. so i'll just share a joke.

isn't that a talent?
even running naked in public is a talent...n thats crazy bravery
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cheam

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Tue Oct 09, 2007 11:43 pm

鄉音濃重的國文老師,為學生們朗讀一首題為「臥春」的陸游古詩, 阿B福 要大家聽寫在筆記本上: 《臥春》 暗梅幽聞花,臥枝傷恨底,遙聞臥似水,易透達春綠。 岸似綠,岸似透綠,岸似透黛綠。
沒想到,有一位同學的筆記本裡竟是這樣寫的: 《我蠢》 俺沒有文化,我智商很低,要問我是誰,一頭大蠢驢。 俺是驢,俺是頭驢,俺是頭呆驢。�p
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cheam

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Tue Oct 09, 2007 11:45 pm



that is neither talent nor bravery, the is idiotic
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cheam

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Wed Oct 10, 2007 12:00 am

在百貨公司裡看到一對夫婦 ... 說了讓我在旁邊差點昏倒的話 .... 老婆看到喜歡的戒指,拉著老公過去看 看了一下子,老公問老婆:「真的喜歡嗎 ?」 老婆一直點頭 .... 帶著懇求的眼神 於是老公問店員:「請問,這個戒指多少錢呀 ?」 店員說:「打過折,$8888 元 ~」 老公本來要付錢的,這時候他老婆竟然說: 「老公 ..看你那麼體貼我也付一半價錢 ...」 聽完老公一定很開心,我跟店員的想法應該一樣 ~ 有這種老婆應該很不錯,會幫自己分擔 但是沒想到 ............. 他老婆掏出了88元 ,說道: 「老公我出一半了,剩下的交給你 ............. 」�
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cheam

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Wed Oct 10, 2007 12:14 am

有一日,我买了块电视卡,裝在电脑上看电视的。 正好我的女朋友來找我玩,她是电脑白痴,就只會上ICQ, 我在她面前演示了一番, 她果然用崇拜的语氣說:「 你好厉害,电脑都能看电视啊? 」 我很开心的說:「小意思啦!」
她用佩服的语氣說:「你好棒啊!」 「呵呵!」 「我也要玩!」 「好啊!你先玩,我给你拿饮料去。」 等我回來,发现女朋友不见了 ,电脑荧幕卻留下了一堆字: (在WINDOWS附屬的DOS底下) C:\电视 Bad command or file name C:\看电视 Bad command or file name
C:\开电视 Bad command or file name C:\打开电视

Bad command or file name C:\电视开


Bad command or file name


C:\开 Bad command or file name C:\OPEN Bad command or file name C:\我要看电视 Bad command or file name C:\我要看TVBS G Bad command or file name C:\想看HBO Bad command or file name C:\看卫视电影台
Bad command or file name
C:\38台 Bad command or file name C:\ .....我要看电视啦! Bad command or file name C:\我火大囉 Bad command or file name C:\到底给不给看啊 Bad command or file name C:\@!$!$!$!~!@~!#~~%%@^@$^@$^$^ Bad command or file name C:\臭电视 Bad command or file name C:\以後不跟你玩了 Bad command or file name C:\唉呦...拜託啦...开一下 Bad command or file name C:\真的不开 Bad command or file name
C:\真的.... Bad command or file name
C:\你真的不开? Bad command or file name C:\是真的? Bad command or file name C:\好...给我记住... Bad command or file name�
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darienchoo

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Wed Oct 10, 2007 2:54 pm

大寶到了美國旅行~~
有天他一直拉肚子
於是他決定要去看醫生了
到了醫院順利掛好號
看到醫生時,醫生問他怎麼了
這時大寶發現自己不會講拉肚子的英文
於是他便跟醫生說...................
.............................................
............................MY SHIT LIKE WATER
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tetsu

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Wed Oct 10, 2007 2:56 pm

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid.

So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint.
He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.

He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to
him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by
painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket.
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and It said:

FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS...!!!
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darienchoo

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Wed Oct 10, 2007 3:02 pm

I love cold jokes....

有一隻螞蟻從10000大樓掉下來,結果還沒掉下來就死了,為什麼?














因為10000大太高ㄌ 他被餓死......
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darienchoo

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Wed Oct 10, 2007 3:04 pm

大寶到美國旅行
隔天要五點起床
他想說要櫃台早上叫他
於是便打電話到櫃台說.........................................................................................
.......GIVE ME RING RING RING FIVE O CLOCK
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<-Kai Boon->
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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Wed Oct 10, 2007 3:09 pm

A babarian went to hunt for man with his son.
His son caught a skin man, he said :"no meat, only bones, don't want"
And then his son caught a fat man, he replied :"to much oil, bad for health, don't want"

And then his son caught a person that made his eyes wide, he replied to his son :"Bring home, cook your mom tonight."

Rupa-rupanya....his son caught a beauty...
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darienchoo

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Wed Oct 10, 2007 3:11 pm

高中的時候,很多人都有在補習班作聯考衝刺!
有一個人他英文很爛很爛!
一次模擬考的英文作文題目是 A Dog
結果那個人就這樣寫:
One day I see a dog.
I said Hi!
Dog said Hi!
I said Can you speak Chinese?
Dog said Yes!
I said So, let s speak Chinese!
Dog said O.K.
I said 你最近都在作什麼ㄚ?
Dog said 我這兩天才剛剛從主人那裡走失了...幹
Dog跟I....................就樣聊起來了........
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darienchoo

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Wed Oct 10, 2007 3:17 pm

今天麥片先生搭飛機去美國。
後來他卻在機上暈機﹐
所以就要求空姐拿個紙袋給他嘔吐。
空姐趕緊拿個紙袋給他。
最後麥片先生嘔到一半的時候﹐就跟空姐要求多一個紙袋。
因為他已經把紙袋嘔到要滿了。
空姐趕緊跑去拿另一個紙袋。
回來的時候﹐卻看到滿地都有嘔吐的痕跡。
空姐就問麥片先生﹕[為什麼你不等我拿紙袋給你再吐呢﹖]

麥片先生就回答﹕[不是我嘔的~﹗我看紙袋要就要滿了﹐所以就吸一點點回肚子裡咯﹗可是不知道為什麼其他乘客卻開始嘔吐~~]
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cheam

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Wed Oct 10, 2007 7:05 pm

a ask b : is the word pig spelled as pug
b says no pig is i, not u
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cheam

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PostSubject: Re: I have no talents...   Wed Oct 10, 2007 7:07 pm

cold jokes

1
penguin and polar bear met
suddenly, penguin take off his shirt
few minutes later, penguin says walao, very cold arh

2
after that,polar bear oso take of his shirt and says walao, reli very cold arh
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